Summer stale farty air. I can’t help it. It’s all the fruits and veggies that are out this time of year. They taste soooo good but they’re SOooooo gassy. They make me fart BAD. And the air is so stagnant it’s hard to get rid of the smell sometimes. It just lingers and lingers and makes it as if I farted 3x instead of one the smell is so bad. Oh well..not my problem but it sure does stink!
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Better out than in.
You’re smart as a fart and twice as stinky.
What do you get if you eat beans and onions?
Tear Gas.
Why don’t little girls fart?
Because they don’t have a**holes until they’re married.
What do you call a fart?
A turd honking for the right of way.
If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.
What did the maxi-pad say to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.
What do you call someone who doesn’t fart in public?
A private tutor!
Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they’ll laugh at you.
It is better to have farted and lost
Then to never have farted at all.
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I farted in an apron and I farted all around. I feel like Dr Seuss today 
Sometimes I fart loud sometimes I fart quiet. Either way it usually stinks! LOL.
It’s hard for me to fart quietly and it’s IMPOSSIBLE to control the smell. I mean really…no one can. I can’t tell you the number of times I say Ahhh in any given day. When I let a fart rip and I’ve been holding it in for some crazy reason it feels SO good to let it go. It’s a natural reaction to say “Ahhh” as if it’s the best feeling in the world…and often it is!
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three tone fart
thunder below
thunder in the buns
tonage
toop
tooters
toot-toots
triple flutter blaster
triple thunder flutter
trouser cough
trouser trumpet
trump
turtle
tushie belches
underpants lion
Under-thunder
veirnt
ventifact
vind
voice of the toothless one
wet fart
wet one
whallop
whootzie
wind
wind breakage
windy pops
wizard
zephyr
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Let the farts roll. I mean no one can hear them over fireworks anyway right? The fireworks go..I let one rip. Who can tell over that sulphery smell anyway. I just let them rip. Mostly I don’t care. There are a few times it matters not to fart, but mostly I don’t care!
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Man the slow stench of a fart in the summer is rough, especially when there is little or no wind. An SBD is the worst. I was at a party last weekend and my farts were rough. I hadn’t gone #2 in 2 days. I farted and walked but it wasn’t enough. One of the guys at the party bitched about the smell. Luckily, my friends dog was there and I blamed it on the dog! He bought it but man I thought I was gonna be super embarrassed at this party. Later in the night I was sure to go in the bathroom or outside when I had to fart. After the party was over, I went home and woke up around 3am and almost had to run to the bathroom to make it, but I did. I was in there a good 30 minutes or more. Somehow just a few hours later I was farting again, and man did it STINK! Crazy!
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When I was younger my sister would give names to farts. “Poogastination” was his first attempt at renaming the fart. No origin for the word, the word was just fun to say. I guess she mixed “poot” and “gas” together and added “tination” to make it sound like a word.
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A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there’s no tommorrow. But not just gassy airish farts, I’m talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog puke.
His wife, understandably is angry, and says: “One day Honey, you are gonna fart your guts out.”
The next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for sunday lunch, Hubbie falls asleep. The wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened.
“What happened?” asked his wife.
“Well,” the man said, “you were right. I farted my guts out.”
“What did you do?” asked his wife.
“Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got ‘em all back up in there!”
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Hope all my American friends had a nice Memorial Day. I went away to the shore for a few days and had a great time. Thank god for the surf air to hide my stinky farts. I just love coleslaw and I went to a party and let’s just say I had ALOT! I enjoy it what can I say?
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A man walks into the doctor’s office with a serious problem!
“Doctor, I’ve had problems with silent gas emissions.
At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go!
As a matter of fact I’ve had three sitting here talking to you.
What are we going to do?”
The doctor replies
“The first thing we’re going to do is check your hearing”
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